lonley?

Do you ever feel lonely?

Feeling lonely was an emotion I never admitted to – not to others in fear that it would show weakness, and not even to myself, for subconciously I hoped that denial of the feeling would make it disappear. Feeling lonely meant being needy and a lack of focus on the right things.

I’ve realised that there is a fundamental difference in the definition of feeling lonely and feeling alone. The latter describes the sense of emptiness one realises when they feel that there is not a single person who would really care or miss them if they were to vanish off this planet. For some, this feeling drives them to a point of insanity or depression. For some, they stock up on ‘escape tranquilizers’ in hopes that they can buy or drink their way to some sort of alternative fulfillment.

The main difference that separates the two words is that feeling lonely, does not necessarily equate to emptiness. Feeling lonely describes a natural emotion, one that everyone feels from time to time. It is like any other human emotion – anger, joy, sadness – which is well, just that, being human.

In romance, as you grow older, your definition of what you want and dont want in a romantic partner becomes more defined and the chances of connecting become increasingly more rare.

In friendships, you realise that the friends that once used to fit now seem like a contrived connection as you try to fill the conversation with more words to avoid any silence that would surely reveal your discovery.

Sometimes, I feel lonely. But, for the first time, I can see the serene beauty of the emotion.

I identify the feeling and choose to understand it instead of pitying it or fearing it. I do this so I can embrace it. Once you allow yourself to feel the emotion comepletly, only then can you detach yourself from it. As I am conscious of my state, I am cautious with my actions and intentions. It is tempting to fall back into comfort – reignite a past relationship perhaps, find a filler/escape to distract you. However, that does not make you learn or evolve, that patch solution can inevitably lead to the feeling of ‘being alone’.

Lonliness – do you feel it? Do you understand it or fear it?

Are the people of this world becoming more lonely? more alone? or both?

Is it a disease that needs a cure? Or does it even exist? Perhaps lonliness is a figment of our imagination fueled by Christmas carols and popular mass media that enforce that you need to be married or be with someone to be normal and happy.

~ by Amy on July 27, 2008.