My letter to a dear friend going through a breakup…

Dear _______,

Breakups are never easy…and even though you survived your first one a few years ago, for some reason, it doesn’t get “easier” the next time it happens…it’s just different. You hurt just the same, in fact, the magnitude may feel even greater,  your heart feels like it’s been shattered in a million pieces and your cries are like convulsive body earthquakes. But as you know, time heals, distance makes it easier and eventually your weeps will turn into delicate tears, and those tears will eventually turn into a nostalgic memory.

I am proud of you. It takes a lot of strength to do the right thing – for yourself and for the other person. Our emotions, feelings and chemical reactions rule us –and it is the easier and weaker route to fall to what just “feels good” at the time instead of what is ultimately healthy and positive.

A breakup is very similar to the different stages of mourning the loss of someone. You will go through the rollercoaster of emotions – at first, a lot of sadness,  loneliness and a whole lot of missing. You will doubt your decision and even make justifications. The next stage is denial. At this point, you will probably attempt to establish relations again. This part is very tricky. Everyone does it and it’s a very new age liberal way of doing things – but be aware it does prolong the healing and getting over process. Anger will definitely be another stage – where you resent, recount the bad memories, the fights and feel victimized. Then it circles back again to sadness, where you think you’ll never open your heart again and tread like a fragile bird, afraid of anything being able to hurt you again.

It’s been over half a year since my heartbreak, and to be honest, while my everyday is filled with great friends, tons of joy and lots and lots of laughter, there are moments, especially at night, when I’m alone, that I have my moments of overwhelming emotion. I still struggle with the fact that someone who I loved so dearly left me and so easily started a new life with someone else.  So when you see how I build up walls, delete potential men out of my life and fight so hard to protect my ego and heart – this is where it comes from. A place of fear – where all of my insecurities – abandonment and not being good enough  - looms over me as a risk if I open my heart again.

It has taken the advice and wisdom of good friends and family, beautiful songs, witnessing others in positive relationship to take me out of my jaded black cloud and believe in love again. I’ve realized that all I can do is be a source of love myself – embrace the love around me, cherish it and give and share it with others. That is my source of joy.

I’ll end off with a quote that always reminds me of you – a constantly changing, ever- evolving soul:

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly”.

Love,

Me.

~ by amyfabulous on May 26, 2009.